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Old Lady who swallowed a horse ‘should have been stopped earlier’
The death of a care in the community patient who died this week after attempting to swallow a horse has been described by mental health experts as a tragedy that should have been averted. The old...
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‘Little Miss Muffet is a cheating crack whore’ claims spider
The spider involved in the Little Miss Muffet incident has spoken for the first time about what actually occurred between them. The nursery rhyme, which is well known around the world, apparently tells...
View ArticleJack and Jill’s parents taken to court by Health & Safety Executive
The parents of Jack and Jill appeared in court yesterday, accused of gross negligence. Mr Tom Thumb QC, for the prosecution, said that the injuries sustained by the children were entirely preventable....
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Georgie Porgie Pudding and Pie forced to sign sex offenders register
Demonstrated poor technique, said the girls A Crown Court judge today branded Georgie Porgie ‘a sexual predator who forced himself on women’ after he admitted to kissing several girls and making them...
View ArticleGrand Old Duke of York ‘livid’ at army cuts
The Grand Old Duke of York reacted with fury last night as it was announced that his fighting force of 10,000 men may be drastically cut back. ‘I need all of my men for essential marching duties,’ he...
View ArticleBinge-eating pensioner admits it all started when she swallowed a fly
The old lady whose eating spree included several large animals has warned how such binges can start innocuously. ‘When I had my fly snack I thought nothing of it,’ she said, ‘but then, I thought I’d...
View ArticleJack and Jill sue over inappropriate medical advice
Jack Hammer and his partner Jill are suing NHS 111 for ‘wholly inadequate advice’ following a fall they had while collecting water near their idyllic rural home. ‘We went up the hill to fetch a pail of...
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Bigamy arrest near St Ives leads police to cat-trafficking ring
After a tip-off from an anonymous individual travelling to St Ives, the police have arrested James Green, 38, from Wolverhampton, for bigamy. In what is believed to be a severe case of benefit fraud,...
View ArticleNursery Rhymes placed in special measures after damning Ofsted Inspection
A well known childcare facility has been placed in Special Measures today it was announced. Nursery Rhymes, long recognised as a market leading provider of early years education, was the subject of an...
View ArticleHSE to investigate ‘Jack and Jill case’ once ‘Dumpy investigation’ concluded
Following a number of media stories about an accident involving a young boy named only as ‘Jack’ for legal reasons and his young female ‘partner’ Jill, the Health and Safety Executive have launched an...
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